Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'm missing something....

My dreams lately are filled with people.

Some are folks I know from dance, or from school, or from the barn; many--most, even--are people I never saw in my life. And I'm moving: traveling, moving house, walking through shopping malls and convention centers.

All is public; there is no privacy, no doors on bedrooms or bathrooms or living quarters. Or, if there are doors, they're unlocked when they shouldn't be. "My" apartment or house is either completely empty, or filled to the brim with junk, laundry, trash, or inheritances from my family. I haven't even been able to record most of them, because they are so busy and filled with seemingly random detail.

It is exhausting. And, not surprisingly, I'm not sleeping well.

I am missing something here, and my imaginal friends are determined that I will get this message.

This morning, I went outside to mow the lawn. Got most of the front yard done, but then the mower quit on me, and no amount of jerking on the starter rope would bring it back to life. I was so hot, so sweaty, so frustrated when I came back into the house! And then I noticed the tell-tale, blindingly bright spots in front of my eyes: an "optical migraine."

For me, these optical migraines almost invariably appear at a time when I'm overly stressed and trying desperately to avoid seeing something that's right in front of my face. So I guess it's not surprising that they should show up now. What, I wondered, am I missing?

That question posed itself in my mind, and within a minute, the spots were I went upstairs to lie down and try to meditate. Nope. Not bloody likely. My mind was--and still is--all over the map. Anything but silence, anything but understanding.

So tonight, I expect, all my "friends" will be back in my dreams again. Sigh....

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